On Women’s Self Defense, Andrew Tate, and Misogyny

Image Credit: Aaron Burden

Content Note: Sexual Violence, Intimate Partner Violence, Human Trafficking.

Recently, I attended a self defense class that was open to all genders but tailored to women. I signed up for it trepidatiously, worrying that it might trigger me, and I was right to worry. The instructors, a seemingly well-meaning man and woman, demonstrated several moves; but the one I can’t stop thinking about is a move that’s meant to free victims from a stranglehold.

“This will work even if you’re up against a wall,” the woman said.

What if you’re lying on your back, and the aggressor is on top of and inside of you? I thought, memories flooding my mind.

The problem with women’s self defense and situational awareness training is it rarely takes into account that most women and girls who are subjected to gender-based violence experience it at the hands of men and boys they know, love, and trust — men and boys who aren’t violent until they are — most often, intimate partners. It fails to recognize that consent can be both blatantly disregarded in a moment and slowly eroded over time. It ignores the fact that human trafficking can look more like coercion than kidnapping or abduction. It seems indifferent to the reality that misogyny can lead to violence against women, and increasingly, misogyny isn’t only accepted in the U.S., it’s rewarded.

One need look no further than the Tate Brothers’ release from Romania and their subsequent arrival in Florida, despite allegations against both brothers of human trafficking, as an infuriatingly perfect example. Before the travel ban on the Tates was lifted, Andrew Tate, who has been accused of rape as well as human trafficking, directly attributed the brothers’ freedom to the Trump administration, posting on the social media platform formerly known as Twitter: “The Tates will be free, Trump is the president. The good old days are back. … ”.

Although he and his brother deny any wrongdoing, in the past, Andrew Tate has bragged about luring women into sex work by getting them to fall in love with him — a tactic known as the “loverboy” method. I learned all about it when I watched the documentary: “The Dangerous Rise of Andrew Tate.”

The documentary is a chilling, sickening look inside Tate’s world, to be sure; but what I found equally upsetting during my viewing experience is I’ve heard Tate’s rhetoric before.

Some men, including Senator Josh Hawley and Governor Ron DeSantis, may openly disavow Tate’s views and actions — DeSantis going so far as to say: “Florida is not a place where you’re welcome with that type of conduct in the air, and I don’t know how it came to this.”

Other men may call Tate “sick” or “a monster” — and to be clear: he is a sick monster — but he’s far from alone in his stance on male dominance and female submission.

In fact, I feel like I know Andrew Tate — from the misogyny he spits to the violence he allegedly commits to other details of his person that I won’t mention here for fear of being sued, he reminds me of somebody that I used to know. Somebody I used to be in love with; somebody I haven’t seen in nearly ten years, but I still fear. Somebody who held a lot of power over me and did a lot of damage with that power. Somebody who, in a way, still holds power over me — somebody who I can only hope isn’t damaging other women.

My point is: Tate isn’t an outlier. He may be emboldening other men to behave violently; he may be normalizing unapologetic misogyny in a post-Me Too society, but there’s nothing new about men hating women; there’s nothing new about violence against women.

As a teenage video store clerk in the 2000s, I was threatened with gang rape by a group of male customers. The year before that, I was physically assaulted by a friend for teasing him. I experienced drug-facilitated sexual assault in my mid-twenties, just months after leaving the abusive ex-boyfriend who reminds me so much of Andrew Tate. And stories like mine aren’t unusual or uncommon.

I’m sharing all of this to say: women’s self defense classes may be well-intentioned, and it can’t hurt to know basic self defense moves, but self defense and situational awareness training isn't a panacea for gender-based violence. Self defense classes alone won’t protect women and girls when misogyny is the air humanity breathes and the water we drink, and suggesting otherwise is akin to prescribing a bike helmet as foolproof protection against nuclear fallout.

What’s more is, if reports regarding the Trump administration’s involvement in lifting the travel ban on the Tate brothers are true, that sends a clear message that alleged violence against women and girls is of no concern to the most powerful people in Washington — which is actually unsurprising considering the president himself has been convicted of sexual abuse. It didn’t start with him, either: both Clarence Thomas and Brett Kavanaugh managed to land lifetime appointments to the Supreme Court despite allegations of sexual harassment and sexual assault, respectively.

I’m consistently amazed by the resilience of women and girls who are subjected to gender-based violence — myself included — and I’m someone who generally hopes for the best while preparing for the worst. But I also know there is, understandably, a deep well of rage in me that’s becoming harder to soothe under Trump’s second administration, and it’s only just begun. I hope, dear reader or listener, you don’t mind if I continue to write all about it.