On The Benefits of Parasocial Relationships

My favorite podcasters are the ones who tell me they love me at the end of every episode. I’m confident that what they actually mean is something closer to: “I appreciate you,” but this awareness doesn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face or the warmth from blooming in my chest when I hear those three words. 

Parasociality isn’t new, and I’m far from alone in using parasocial relationships as social supplements. The term “Parasocial Relationship” was coined by psychologists Donald Horton and R. Richard Wohl back in 1956, long before Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Patreon were conceptualized. When the mid-1950s ushered in the widespread availability and cultural acceptance of television sets, Horton and Wohl noticed a trend: TV viewers were experiencing the “illusion of intimacy” with the characters of their favorite TV shows. Thus, the study of parasocial relationships, also called parasocial interaction, began. 

Parasocial relationships have gotten a bad reputation in modern times, and that’s understandable. I’m old enough to remember the dangerously invasive, parasociality fueled tabloid culture of the 1990s and the 2000s. I’m also online enough to have been aware of Chappell Roan’s TikTok “controversy” calling out the inappropriate behavior of some of her fans, fans who undoubtedly felt entitled to behave badly due to their parasocial ties to the singer-songwriter. 

Indeed, at their worst, parasocial relationships can develop into dangerous obsessions that put everyone involved in them at risk. At their best, however, parasocial relationships can ease loneliness and soothe the pain of isolation. This may be especially true for young LGBTQ+ people, according to research that was released in 2024 by Hopelab and Dr. Bradley Bond, a media psychology expert. Hopelab surveyed 1,715 LGBTQ+ individuals varying in age from 13 to 22 who were all based in the United States. Hopelab then conducted co-distillation and sense-making sessions with nine LGBTQ+ young people in an effort to dive deeper into the survey’s findings. 

Overwhelmingly, the survey seems to show that online conversations with likeminded individuals, and connection with LGBTQ+ creators — especially smaller ones — can provide joy and validation for LGBTQ+ young people who may not have access to queer community offline. As Bond put it: “Parasocial relationships … can play a vital role for LGBTQ+ young people who are dealing with isolation and lack of in-person support.”

My “connections” with LGBTQ+ creators — such as Matt Bernstein of the podcast “A Bit Fruity,” Moira Donegan and Adrian Daub of the podcast “In Bed with the Right,” and Gillian Pensavalle and Patrick Hinds of the podcast “True Crime Obsessed” — have been helping me deal with isolation and lack of in-person support for years. 

I’m a small town queer who works two jobs, regularly cares for an assortment of domesticated animals, and makes every effort to be a good daughter, sister, cousin, niece, auntie, and pet parent; and the members of my tiny queer community are just as busy — if not busier — than I am. Some of them are single parents; some of them juggle work, activism, volunteer opportunities, church services, and more. Additionally, we’re all trying to maintain our health and our homes. 

Unfortunately, there’s only so much in-person support I can provide, or expect others to provide to me, while living in modern America. Cultivating queer community — or any type of community — can feel like a luxury when Americans have to work more hours than ever just to make ends meet, much less to get ahead. Perhaps that’s by design — a group of people can’t organize if they’re working all the time — or perhaps that’s simply the natural progression of capitalism. Regardless, I do the best I can to nurture my relationships — queer and otherwise — and when that doesn’t feel like enough, parasociality can help fill the gaps. 

I write none of this to suggest that parasocial relationships are a replacement for in-person socialization and offline community with other humans. They’re not. I don’t believe anything can replace two-way friendships, relationships, and family bonds. Even so, I’ll take community — or even the feeling of community — wherever I can get it, whether that’s from podcasters, YouTubers, writers, or artists. As a bisexual woman living in the rural Bible Belt, I’ve experienced the positive impact parasociality can have. A parasocial relationship may technically be one-sided, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be healing, inspiring, soothing, or simply a great deal of fun. It can be all of these things and more. 

In the words of Mary Oliver, a small town queer much wiser than myself: “I never met any of my friends, of course, in a usual way — they were strangers, and lived only in their writings. But if they were only shadow-companions, still they were constant, and powerful, and amazing. That is, they said amazing things, and for me it changed the world.”

Thank you to The Heartland LGBTQ+ Voice on Facebook, where this piece was previously published.