Women Without Children are Caregivers Too

Image Credit: Shine_Photos

Occasionally, I hear women with children say that women without children only have to worry about themselves. It’s a sentiment I usually ignore. Still, I don’t like hearing it. It’s a myth.

Women without children are caregivers too. Teachers without children are caregivers. Nurses without children are caregivers. Coaches without children are caregivers. Aunts are caregivers. Women without kids may not be legally or financially responsible for other humans in the same way parents are, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have to (or choose to) worry about others.

Historically, single daughters without children were often expected to care for their parents as they aged. This is still the case in many families. Personally, I’m mentally, emotionally, and financially preparing to shoulder most of the responsibilities associated with my parents’ care when they can no longer take care of themselves. I’m confident my siblings will help out as much as they can; but I’m single and child-free, and my siblings have kids. Even if their kids are grown by the time our parents reach their twilight years, my brother lives out of state; my sister is married. Currently, I live closest to our mom and dad.

Women without children also care for their siblings, their extended family, their community, their friends, their pets, and the kids in their lives. PANKS (Professional Aunts with No Kids) can find themselves anchoring their families, providing emotional, spiritual, and financial support and general guidance that will positively impact their nieces and nephews for the rest of their lives. We pick up the slack whenever possible, offering much needed relief to overwhelmed parents.

I’ve taken care of my cousins’ kids, sometimes for weeks at a time. I love them like nieces, and I’m thankful I was part of their childhoods. I send them presents and notes when big things happen in their lives. I think of them often.

I love my sister’s kids dearly; it’s one of the reasons I live where I do: to be close to them. I love my brother’s kids just as much, and I wish they lived closer. I enjoy spending time with my nieces, and I’m honored that they enjoy spending time with me. I frequently tell them I love them and I’m proud of them, because it’s true and because I worry about their self-esteem.

I’ve skipped meals to pay for veterinarian care, and I’d do it again. I buy my animals the best food I can afford. I love them, and I worry about them when I go to work. I regularly care for my family’s animals when they’re away, and I worry about their animals even when they’re not my responsibility.

I’ve devoted loads of time and energy to taking care of my friends, and I do what I can to help my community. I worry about the kids I work with. I worry about the kids whose writing I voluntarily judge during the annual Scholastic Art & Writing Awards. I worry about people I’ve never met and animals I’ll never see.

Women with children have a lot to worry about; I know that. I imagine motherhood as a near-constant oscillation between anxiety, guilt, exhaustion, and frustration. Most mothers are overworked and underappreciated. Books like The Second Shift and documentaries like Fair Play focus entirely on the never ending job that is motherhood. But take it from me: women without children have a lot to worry about too. We are also exhausted from being overworked, and we are also underappreciated.

In a society that has never properly valued women — with or without children — it’s important that women value each other. As more women choose not to have kids, I’m hopeful the day will come when the lives, contributions, and concerns of women without children are no longer minimized, intentionally or not, based solely on the fact that they don’t have kids. I don’t expect to see this cultural shift in my lifetime, but a PANK can dream.

In the meantime, I’ll keep writing about my life as a woman without children; and I’ll keep striving to be the best auntie, daughter, sister, friend, and pet parent I can be.